I’m slowly coming back home. I’ve arrived a week ago in fact. But I was hardy able to talk. I mean talk talk. Not talk talk. In other words, I was able to do the usual chit-chat. Even able to do my work (extremely efficient, how else). But couldn’t quite say anything real about how I am. Or how India was. Yes, I was riding elephants, and got the romantic backwaters boat trip. And managed to see the Taj mahal, got even to Varanasi. And got super pissed off at all the cons I met while doing the “golden triangle” (even wrote a little warning about that- will post it soon).
However,
What I was not able to really talk about was about the most important thing of this trip.
Nope, I didn’t get enlightened- don’t you worry.
But, for glimpses of a moment, I felt how is it when you are… honest. And I mean honest honest. Not honest honest.
I mean,
When you talk when and if you want to talk. When being in silence with other people (you might have even just met) is perfectly ok. When you say (only) the things you really want to say, leaving the “sweeteners” aside for example.
And I’ve learned that from (amazing) people. But also with painting. When, at times, it becomes less important whether your painting is pretty or not. What matters is whether the color you use or the shape you paint really tell the story you want to tell in the moment. Not to the “world”. But to yourself. Whether you allow your inner “you” to speak, to express itself as it really wants to. It is like giving your inner world a mirror- how much would you trust it?; how much will you allow itself mirror completely and how much would you censor of it?- for God knows what reasons; my “favorite” ones are: “being pretty”, “look decent”, “don’t disturb”. So, you might find yourself, wanting to create “order” with some straight, long strokes, painting out from the corner, when what you’d actually feel like doing is splashing colors directly in the middle of the paper and simply enjoying the moment when the colors fuse, merge, meld in search for new nuances and blends. It was absolutely relaxing to just do it. Even for glimpses of moments.
Wanna give it a go?
So, just take a deep breath and ask yourself: what stops me from expressing what I really feel?
My main one is: what if the others won’t accept me anymore?
A top 2 one is: how on earth would I know what I really feel?
– it works with me when I listen i.e. shut up
Wanna share?
-write to me
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